I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
