Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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