k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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