508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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