so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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