I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
