I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
The power of my boobs compel you
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
