I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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