Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
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