you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
