So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
