She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
