Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
