Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
