her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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