Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Randomize
