We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
