I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
