I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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