Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
