i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
my being single is dangerous.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize