standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
