I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
you had me at cake vodka
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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