is your mom at the bar?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
