i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize