id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I had to cum in my sink.
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