Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
