im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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