C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
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If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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