Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
