I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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