all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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