this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
