Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
