Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
