apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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