I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I think im going to throw up on grandma
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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