you have to choose: penises or morals?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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