That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Randomize
