I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
