I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
