shes about as inviting as chlamydia
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
