I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
