I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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