Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
