I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
