ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
