hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
His nipple licking is glorious
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