every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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