you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
