I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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