Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
