just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
