I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I can't turn off my feet"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
