i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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