Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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