you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
