Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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