I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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