It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize
