Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
