their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
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turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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