dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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