I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Two words: blizzard sex
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
