She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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