he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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