He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
