Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
