You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
