A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
