I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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