You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
