Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
